Bold, raw, forbidden, The 21 Laws of Surviving a Gentlemen's Club is a wake-up call for all patrons. You don't have to be a strip club aficionado to recognize that the behavior of the average patron is evolving before your eyes----rampant narcissism, lack of focus, and no agenda all spell danger.
Darius Allen, author and survivor, confronts this culture of misguided patrons with 21 laws that focus on priority and purpose. He reminds patrons that a gentlemen's club is one of the most voracious, capitalistic environments on Earth. Those who enter this jungle clueless and slaphappy, believing that they can escape unscathed, are sadly mistaken.
Much of The 21 Laws of Surviving a Gentlemen's Club deals with the interaction--physical and otherwise--between a patron and a stripper, but Darius also examines the inner working of a social environment that wants to swallow up your money and spit you out.
This book will serve as a fiery pep talk before a planned trip, a conversation starter for the bold, and a syllabus for all rookies who want to enter the jungle and avoid the infamous Walk of Shame.
The Language of the Jungle
AIR DANCE: A non-contact lap dance where there is so much air between you and the stripper that you feel deflated and utterly exploited. Unlike a table dance or a stage dance where no contact is customary, an Air Dance is usually unexpected and unsettling. It is the absolute worst dance a patron can receive.
AIR DANCE RIPPLE EFFECT: A situation where after a patron receives an unexpected Air Dance, the event causes the patron to buy a lap dance immediately from another stripper in hopes of replacing the void left by air. If the patron does not choose the right stripper, things can spiral out of control.
ATF: All-Time Favorite (See Favorite). The ATF is a term only reserved for a stripper who has reached the level of a jungle goddess.
BAIT AND SWITCH: The ploy of using a stack of cash (brick) as bait to attract strippers to a table, giving them the illusion of a big payday, then switching up and only spending a small amount of cash.
BIRD DOG: A bouncer whose unpopular job is to monitor the activity in the VIP area. This bouncer is on the hunt for savage patrons.
BLIND LAP: When a patron blindly rolls the dice and chooses a lap dance from a stripper whom they’ve never seen twerk, booty-shake, perform on stage, or give a lap dance.
CIVILIAN: The average woman who does not work in the jungle and likes to visit for so-called fun. Her only agenda is to secretly observe the behavior of male patrons.
THE ETERNAL PATRON DILEMMA: The tricky dilemma that a patron faces when trying to choose the right stripper for a lap dance that’s worth the price. This challenge is the most crucial and monetarily volatile decision in the jungle.
EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY: Use your imagination.
FAVORITE: 1. A patron’s favorite stripper. Although a patron may claim to have several, only one will receive the majority of the patron’s resources (time and money). 2. A Favorite is one of the two halves of the lustful union that makes up the core foundation of the strip club industry. The powerful yin and yang relationship between a Favorite and a Regular provides the energy flow that supports the entire strip club ecosystem.
GFE: Girlfriend Experience. Not to be confused with the full-fledged definition used in the world of high-end escorts and call-girls. In the jungle, this term describes an intimate connection between a patron and a stripper that goes beyond the typical business interaction. A Favorite usually offers a Girlfriend Experience to a Regular; long talks, neck massages, therapy sessions, warm hugs, an open ear, and a genuine concern for their well-being without the daily struggles of a girlfriend & boyfriend relationship.
GREEN CARPET TREATMENT: After a patron makes it rain, the floor or main stage becomes covered in cash, creating the appearance of a newly placed green carpet.
GREEN MILE: The long walk that a patron makes with a stripper to a VIP room.
HOME CLUB: A stripper’s favorite jungle to hunt; a primary residence for a stripper who prefers not to leap from jungle to jungle like a leopard.
JANE: A stripper; as in Jane of the Jungle.
JILL: A waitress; the little sister of Jane of the Jungle.
JUNGLE: The appropriate name for a strip club. It represents the exploitative, capitalistic, and predatory nature of the strip club environment.
THE JUNGLE OF ALL JUNGLES: Las Vegas.
LAP DANCE: An erotic, intimate, one-on-one dance in which a stripper sits, caresses, grazes, or grinds a patron’s lap for the duration of one song. Additional touching from both parties may take place based on the stripper, the shift, and the jungle. Tipping is optional.
LEOPARD: A nomadic stripper that’s hard to capture because she is not tied down to a home club. She is always on the run, leaping from jungle to jungle, chasing the money.
MAKING IT DRIZZLE: An economical approach to tipping where a patron selects a primary stripper and tips her in steady increments, building up stripper equity. Just like a watering can, the patron lets the light rain trickle down, dollar by dollar. This approach is a clear alternative to making it rain.
MAKING IT RAIN: An extravagant, often gratuitous form of tipping where a patron tosses or peels off dollar bills in the air, creating the spectacle of rainfall.
MERCY TIP: A tip given to a stripper on stage purely out of sympathy because no other patron is tipping.
MILEAGE: A term that represents the amount of physical contact and extracurricular activity that a patron can get away with during a lap dance.
OUTSIDER: A person who is a staunch critic of strippers, and the strip club industry.
THE PATRON’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS: The motivational theory that everything flows and revolves around the three-level pyramid of services. The coveted lap dance is at the top of the hierarchy of needs; followed by the table dance, and lastly, the stage dance. The three levels enable the patron to utilize their five senses (sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste) to their maximum.
POST TRAUMATIC SPRUNG DISORDER (PTSD): A mental condition triggered by experiencing a strip club event so mind-blowing that you become sprung to the highest degree. The symptoms are chronic or acute.
PREDATOR: A playful term for a stripper representing her predatory nature to prey on a patron’s money, body, and soul.
REGULAR: 1. A regular is a patron who frequents a jungle; a recognizable face that is familiar with the environment and its inhabitants. 2. Formerly considered a negative label (some consider being a Regular a pathetic loser), a Regular is one of the two halves of the lustful union that makes up the core foundation of the strip club industry. The powerful yin and yang relationship between a Favorite and a Regular provides the energy flow that supports the entire strip club ecosystem.
RINGER: An experienced stripper who purposely visits a foreign jungle for Amateur Night, especially if there is a cash prize.
ROOKIE: A young, misguided, and agenda-less patron who is naive to the ways of the jungle.
SABBATICAL: A hiatus, typically a few months, taken when a stripper gets plastic surgery.
SIMPLETON: A foolish patron that lacks the common sense and awareness to understand that one’s survival is at stake. This patron thinks everything is fun and games, and being economical is silly.
SPECTATOR: A patron who simply watches all the activity in the jungle with no plans of getting their hands dirty or spending money.
STRIP CLUB INFORMANT: A patron whose agenda is to collect information for the purpose of spreading gossip and creating strip club drama.
STRIPPER EQUITY: The amount of interest (time and money) invested into a stripper with the expectation of return.
STRIPPER GAMESMANSHIP: The mental and physical chess game that strippers play on patrons by using seductive ploys and tactics to gain any advantage they can when it comes to extracting a patron’s money. Some Regulars call this “Stripper Game” or “Stripper Shit” concerning to the lies and stories that strippers tell to get patrons to fork over their cash.
SURVIVOR: A patron who thoroughly understands the 21 laws and adapts to any challenge in the jungle, regardless of the type of club and location. This patron knows the benefits of tipping, the importance of customer service, and respects the stripper’s hustle.
TIGER: An attractive stripper that is almost too good to be true. She combines beauty and hustle like no other, and the fact that this powerful feline won’t be around for long makes her the biggest catch in the jungle.
TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS: The theory based on the premise that within the jungle, making it drizzle, not making it rain is the most efficient way to create stimuli and build stripper equity. By concentrating your resources on a single stripper, tipping her directly in increments (trickles) minimizes risk while providing the best return on your investment.
WALK OF SHAME: The rarely discussed, shameful, and embarrassing walk out of a jungle after being cleaned out mentally, physically, and financially. Witnessing this depressing walk can affect a patron psychologically for months.